Battle Hymn of the Tiger Trainer
Why Chinese gym trainers are superior—so long as they don't encounter lazy Indians.
By ABHEEK BHATTACHARYA
Hong Kong
Ever wondered why some guys are in such great shape and you can't do 10 push-ups? Well, I now know the secret and can share it with you: Chinese trainers.
Having moved here from Mumbai recently, I joined a swanky gym and shelled out the extra dough for a personal trainer. Though my trainer is, yes, ethnic Chinese, I'm using the term "Chinese trainers" loosely. I know other trainers who qualify too. Whoever they are, these trainers have certain traits. For instance, they won't allow you to:
• Arrive late for a training session;
• Miss, postpone or reschedule a training session;
• Take a break during the session;
• Complain about not getting a break during the session.
What Chinese trainers understand is that no exercise is fun until you're strong. And to get strong you have to lift a lot of weights over and over again. We unfit, lazy sloths never want to lift weights on our own, but once we get the trainer's praise and see some results, our self esteem rises.
But first the trainer must crush our wimpy egos. Chinese trainers say things Westerners find shocking. Once, when I couldn't bench-press the bar without any weights more than three times in a row, my trainer shouted at me: "Are you even a man?" I've regularly heard other Chinese trainers say to their trainees, "Hey fatty—lose some weight." By contrast, Western trainers have to tiptoe around the issue, talking in terms of "health" and never, ever mentioning the f-word. Instead, they recommend spa "therapy" and low-carb diets.
I've thought long and hard about how Chinese trainers can get away with all this. First, Western trainers worry far too much that their customers will despise them and cancel the program. Chinese trainers have no such fear. They browbeat us into paying for three years' worth of sessions up front. If a trainee misses a session—which would never happen—there would be a screaming, hair-tearing explosion. I can easily imagine my trainer spewing insults about how I'm fat, my mother's fat, and my family will always remain fat.
Second, Chinese trainers believe they know what is best for their trainees. They have no qualms overriding their customers' preferences. That's why trainees aren't allowed to sip water between sets, and why protestations of pain—which a Western trainer might interpret as a sign something is seriously wrong—are routinely ignored.
The trainers will tell you many success stories. My Chinese trainer hopes I will be one too. But I'm starting to have my doubts. Call it a form of teenage rebellion.
My trainer tried nonstop for a week to get me to do 15 squats in a row with a 50-pound barbell held over my shoulder. But every time I finished 10 squats, I collapsed. One day he showed up for our session determined to drill me that day until I got it right. I protested: Indian men aren't cut out for such exertion—though I would happily double-check his tax forms or write some computer code for him, for a fee. "We're all special in our own way," I offered.
"Even losers are special in their own special way," he bellowed, forcing me to begin the squats. I completed 10 with ease, but as I was about to give up again, I glanced at my trainer and was met with a look of pure scorn. Scared of the insult he would hurl at me next, I summoned every iota of strength in my body for the next three squats. As I started my 14th squat, I looked over at my trainer. He was smiling, "Abheek, look—isn't it easy?!"
I would have replied yes, but just as I was about to complete that 14th squat, my hands instinctively relaxed and the barbell landed with a thud. On my trainer's toes.
Chinese trainers believe they care more about their trainees than do their Western counterparts. That they're willing to make the necessary sacrifices. That they're preparing us for our future. But since he isn't replying to my phone calls and text messages, it seems my trainer is rethinking all that.
Mr. Bhattacharya is an editorial page writer at The Wall Street Journal Asia.
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